Have you ever thought about what scares you? Not the spooks scare, but the really scary scare, the type which makes you rethink what you are doing in life, make changes to offset the fear. Off late, I have got a few of those scary thoughts, which have made me change a few things, re-examine a few aspects of my life and re-arrange a few loose ends here and there.
The first shocker came not long ago in the form of a health concern. It completely blew me catching me off guard. Its funny how all your worries and stress vanish away when the health of a person is in context. The nearest thought in the mind screams, dictating that you just stay alive, the rest we'll take care of! By god's grace and everyone's good wishes, we're back to fit and fighting stance this moment, aware of the fact that if this issue was hidden for a while, could have been drastic!
The second incident which sparked me off is that of my future. I cannot get myself to explain in words what I am feeling, but the gist is, the prospect of getting married to someone who will be with you 'forever' scares me. It never did earlier, not till the end of last year, but it does now. With the failed marriages and broken hearts I am seeing these days, lest ignore the drastic steps taken by so called lovers over trivial rifts, scare me. Trust is something which is more a relevant word than love I feel. Love is a misused, overused entity, a jargon. People scared me, they always did, partially because I thought I could trust no one. But when I actually got around trusting someone, and got bruised and beaten up as a result, my initial assumption on trust became stronger and real. I fear not people in general, but being a realist, the whole concept and institution seems absurd.
I thought for a bit that I was losing the plot, but no, it is just the matter of re-organizing, re-structuring the clutter that lies in my head. Que sera sera as they sing, there is nothing we can do but pray for the well being of all around. Things tend to fall in place, like in tetris, then you die!
On a positive note, the winters' been fantabulous, kept me in tune to the Scottish winters!
Be safe people, be aware! Lots of love (misused, take it from me!)!
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